"I am so blessed", these are the words I heard inside my heart as I came out of my sleep this morning. I am so blessed.
I know it was my soul speaking to me because you see, today is my birthday. So before I could begin thinking about what could have been, or what I haven't done or my advancing age, my soul wanted me to remember "I am so blessed".
I have held these words in my heart and my head all day, yet wondering why at this point in time I need the reminder.
Is it because somewhere in me I still hold the belief of not enough or unworthy? Am I still carrying shame and guilt?
I will admit there does seem to be a place within that feels like it needs to break open. Is that a real place or is it a place of my design to validate a belief that I don't measure up?
I took these thoughts out to my medicine wheel with my sacred tobacco and went into journey space. "It's my birthday" I said as I landed in the world of Spirit, I didn't seem to have the ability to form words to ask for anything specific other than here I am and it's my birthday, now what.
As I journeyed I was shown how my sacred journey space will soon change because an element that has been there for quite some time isn't necessary anymore. It's purpose is done, This brought a bit of anxiety and sadness but when I received a new colorful dress, (in journey space), I understood.
The dress was beautiful and I had my choice of one that was tapestry and ornate and heavy on my body or one that had the same intricate work and colors but was light, airy and flowy. I had a choice. The dresses represented how I was choosing to move forward in my life. Would I move forward with effort, carrying around the weight and burden of the first dress out of guilt and not speaking my true desires and choices, or would I choose the lighter, flowing, more free dress that allowed movement and joy.
The journey continued, there was a party with all of my Helping Spirits and then there was a dismemberment, it was a biggie and a bit unsettling. I'll admit, I'm always pleased with myself when I can be in the energy of a journey, possibly unnerved a bit yet still able to see the divine reasoning and know the finality of it will be brilliant for me.
There was magic, I was shown how my touch created life and nourishment and change. How the sacred place I journey to sustains and nourishes my physical body as well as my spiritual. How the magic unfolds as I go deeper into the journey letting it play out and show me the depth and expanse of my growth and the importance of the initiations. Suffice it to say, what was left behind and what was created was far beyond anything I could imagine for myself.
Afterwards I gave thanks to my Helping Spirits, my sacred tobacco and my medicine wheel and went in search of the perfect cupcake. Because really that's all I wanted for my birthday was a cupcake. Cupcake in hand, I lit a candle and gave myself a beautiful wish.
Why, you ask, didn't I let someone else get it for me? Because we can't expect others to grant our every wish, to read our minds and to drop everything and fetch us a cupcake. It's a truly delicious thing when you go in search of your own cupcake and find the perfect one and eat it all by yourself.
Happy Birthday to Me.
Robin
