On My Mind
I have become aware of something lately, I worry. Alot. Well, I'm not sure if it's worrying or ruminating. Whichever it is, it occupies my mind. The moment I wake up it starts, or should I say 'I start', because this is me. It's my doing, my allowing, my bringing in, my inability to let go and trust.
For a few weeks I thought 'why am I doing this? What is this? What has changed?' As with my normal pattern, I have to experience anything before I learn it. So my heavenly peeps allowed me to stew in my own juices for a bit before I was given my answer. "Where is your focus?" they asked. What is it that you are allowing to occupy your thoughts? What do you have no control over that you still won't let go? Where are you NOT focusing?
There it is, and after some thought I got it. What happens is, if you allow something into your consciousness long enough it collects other things, to the point that you eventually lose connection to the original concern. It all becomes one big mess of focus and worry and then you're locked in obsessing, just obsessing over obsessing.
My answer was that I am focusing on outside things. Environments and events that affect me but are outside of me. Things that affect me but I have no control over. Political, global, community. All things that are beyond my control.
What do I have control of? Me. That's it. My behaviors, my beliefs. my actions, my responses, my mind. Who and how I present myself to the world and my community. I don't expect to be perfect in any of this but I can be aware. I can think first, decide to not react, and I can also make a stand, defend a principal or person or group of people. Call others out and ask that they too take a more global view and representation of themselves.
When we feel out of control or scared even, it's easy to get drawn into the amusement of mocking one thing or another, even people. It's kind of a release for us. This is not our calling. We are being asked to rise above, rise above ourselves if necessary. Take a more global stand. Unite in a strong but gentle way. Follow our hearts rather than our fears. To be completely cliche, Be what you wish to see in the world.
This isn't easy. We are being drawn to pick a side. To see others as different. To believe what we know is not true. To defend something that maybe we don't entirely believe in.
Understand that everything is exactly how it's supposed to be right now. I don't agree with it all but I'm trying to understand the divine order, the underlying order in the world, society, my community. I will stand up for Human Rights, I will defend the truth as I know it and I will listen to the other side to see if it too supports the collective human state. If it doesn't , I will most likely tell you. And I'm ok if we don't agree, I will support you in that too. And I promise that I will work on me so that when you and I do meet on an issue I am in the best place I can be at that moment.